The Aspire team is honored to share Sharan Bir’s essay with you. Her perspective and relationship to trail running is personal, yet the universal notes of finding belonging carry through. May you be inspired by her words.
By Sharan Bir, Trail Mixed: North Cascades Scholarship Recipient
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with belonging. I was born in a rural village in Punjab, India, at a time when female foeticide was so common that doctors and hospitals were banned from revealing the gender of the baby. In fact, our relatives sent sympathy letters to my mother when she gave birth to her second daughter (me). “You will get through this, don’t lose hope”, they said. Where I come from, daughters mean a big wedding, lots of gifts to in-laws as a payment to take the bride, and hence potential sale of ancestral land to fund the wedding. Families celebrated birth of a son and mourned the daughters. Daughters are taught to cook, clean, and care for others, as no one will marry them if they are bold, outspoken or have ambition. You cannot travel anywhere, or have fun, lest you let your ambitions run wild and bring disgrace to the family. “Travel? Study? Have Hobbies? You will get to do everything you want at your husband’s house”. Getting married is the only goal.
When my mother faced a similar fate, she decided that is not the future she wants for her daughters. She left our father, moved back into her parent’s house and worked as a single mother to raise us. We went to an English-speaking school two villages away. We participated in debates and read books that were outside of our syllabus.
Regardless, the cultural notion that a woman belongs with her husband loomed around in shadows all through the teenage years. When I moved to US, I no longer had the same fear of belonging. I was independent and could provide for my own self. However, a different fear (doubt) took its place. I was surrounded by people who did not look like me or speak in my accent. For the longest time, I felt I have to work twice as hard to earn my place. I do not understand my friends jokes about middle school or high school, or 90’s or 00’s trends. I do not understand board games, and I struggle to belong with ease everyone else does.
I started walking because it was cheap and the only hobby I could afford. Soon walking led to hiking and hiking lead to trail running. There is a certain sense of safety and comfort that comes with being in nature. Nature does not hold me against cultural notions. Nature does not judge my skin color, or where I come from, or where I will go. Nature opens its arms wide and accepts me as I am. With every step I take in the wild, I feel I belong. I feel welcomed by all the moss covered trees, reflecting five shades of green, shining as rays of sunlight hit them. I feel seen by each raindrop that falls on the leaves, the way they dance around to the beat of the wind. My legs seem to push themselves forward, my eyes are lit, and I could not help but smile at the view waiting for me in the meadows…….this is home.
Explore the Trail Mixed: Sucia Island trip, a dreamy island get-away for women of color.